Once Upon An Expert

Not long ago, nor too far away, there lived a farmer who was blessed with some very special animals.  There was the goose that laid eggs with golden shells, the cash cow who’s every drop of milk became silver coins, and the sheep with the platinum fleece.  They all lived quite happily on the farm together with the rest of the geese, cattle, and sheep.

The farmer thought himself lucky to have such productive animals on his farm.  He would milk the cash cow each dawn with the other milk cows, and search for the golden eggs each morning as he gathered the other goose eggs.  Twice a year he would shear his sheep, including the sheep with the platinum fleece.  He tithed faithfully, and anonymously donated half of each platinum fleece to the Displaced Farmers fund at the Methodist Church.

While he did not get rich this way, the farmer built a small fortune through the years.  In a time when many other farmers suffered financial hardship, the town banker noticed the farmer’s success.  One day, after the bank examiners left, the banker decided to help his friend the farmer with that fortune.  Next Sunday at church the banker talked the farmer into hiring the banker's nephew, the efficiency expert.

"Increase production, decrease overhead!" cried the expert, and asked if the farmer had any other income besides geese, cows, and sheep.

"Wal," drawled the farmer, "mebbe you mean them golden-shelled eggs I get from the spotted goose, and the..."

"Wait a minute," cried the expert, interrupting the slow-talking farmer, "you've a goose that lays golden eggs?"

"Yep," said the farmer with some pride, "lays twice a week or so, and I got this cow . . ."

“Wait a minute," interrupted the expert, "I've got to get right on this!"  Then he ran into the farm yard, yelling and calculating.

Soon, the expert produced figures that showed the rest of the geese weren't worth keeping, so the farmer reluctantly sold them.  Shortly after, over the farmer's worried objections, the expert hired an animal trainer to teach the goose to lay eggs more often.  He also hired a nutritionist to help increase the size of each egg, and a construction company to build the new barn for the goose and staff.

Sadly, the goose – lonely, overfed, and weary of training – soon died.  The expert was heartbroken and wailed far into the night.  In a moment of compassion, the farmer went on the porch to comfort the expert.

"Don't worry," the farmer said, "I won't go broke or nuthin.  I still got the cash cow, and here pretty soon it'll be shearing season . . ."

"Wait a minute!" cried the expert, tears forgotten, "you've got a cow that gives money?"

"Yep," said the farmer, suddenly worried, "every drop of milk turns to a silver coin."

"Wait a minute," yelled the expert as he ran into the night, "wait a minute!"

The farmer stood on the porch listening to the racket for a few thoughtful moments.  Before long he shook his head and strode purposefully into the darkness after the expert, pitchfork in hand.   

The End