by Matt Champine, Chris Qualls, et al
Breaker, breaker, hope ya'll can hear me on this thing. Left a little somthin' in orbit the tech geeks ought to love. Won't be too long 'til this party really gets started, so wish me luck. Oh, Charlie Mike. That's how ya'll say continue mission, right? Buck out.
* * *
Report: Suitability of Local Contact on 2102-Gran 3 (Local name: Earth)
Date: 1.87314.220 GR
From: Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
To: Chief Xenosociologist U. Bauth
CC: Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
Gran 3's dominant species is at a critical point in their social development (and dangerous given their level of technology, and curious nature). The current social structure is based on territorial boundaries and differences in ideas on governmental structure, as well as on the existence and nature of a mythical supreme being. War is a way of life for them.
While socially and ideologically primitive, the inhabitants of Gran 3 have a relatively advanced technology. Thorium reactors, EM mass drivers, and intra-solar spacecraft are some of their achievements. This makes them a bit of a wild card in regards to the question of first contact. There could be many possible outcomes from making contact, from being greeted with open arms to being blown from their skies by NUCLEAR WEAPONS (Which they have in large numbers).
Our rather simple-minded native research subject confirms our observations, even volunteering to remain in exile from his own world so we don't have to risk another landing for his return. Such selfless behavior gives me hope for these humans.
It is therefore my recommendation that no first contact communications be initiated at this time. However close observation should be maintained in the event an intervention becomes necessary. While not yet ready for contact, the inhabitants of Gran 3 have many unique qualities to add to the richness of the galactic community.
I am forwarding the full formal findings report for verification and archive. After wrapping up the current observation runs and performing some repairs (communications and computation sections have become glitchy), we are happily heading back to civilization.
In Service to the Republic
Trianec Gelnir
* * *
Report: We must conquer this planet!
Date: 1.87314.221 GR
From: Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
To: Quadrant Operations Command
Attn: Senior General A. Mauryon
Sir;
According to this report the denizens of this backward planet may be strange and destructive, but the planet is rich! If the planet was appropriately mined it would solve several resource shortages (Thorium for one) on Prime! Not to mention the place is an ocean paradise!
Their calculi (they call it "math") is base ten, there is no primary language, and no global government – silly and barbaric, I'm sure you'll agree. While I admit they are dangerously war-like, what defense they might mount will be clumsy and disorganized.
On another strange note, a popular hobby among them is to ingest various addictive poisons! This seems to prove that these people crave their own deaths. We could easily fill those wishes and benefit the Republic.
This planet's very existence is insulting! For the Glory of the Republic!
SubGen. P. Puqlod
* * *
Report: Communications Intercept
URGENT
Date: 1.87314.224 GR
From: Sector 5.32 Signals Intelligence Section
To: Sector Fleet Command
CC: Quadrant Operations Command
Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
URGENT
Signal received and recorded this date. Signal source suspected: Gran-3.
Signal was broadcast in most recent Fleet cypher-scramble. SigInt concludes Gran-3 natives have acquired operational frequencies and broken Fleet codes. Recommend all codes in Sector be changed, and all Fleet signals use Fleet SecComNet or beamcast instead of broadcast.
Decoded transmission and translated transcript attached.
SubLt. Lyno Curq
--TRANSMISSION BEGINS--
Your problem is, fellas, that you've just run into the nastiest, meanest, least tolerant race in the galaxy--us humans. The NICEST thing we're likely to do to ya'll is kill nearly every last one of you, and put the rest on some godforsaken reservation to sicken and die.
Hell, even if you were to fight us to a standstill, it'll never be over. We'll constantly plan for "our defense," forcing you to spend more and more to keep up. Our people will complain, and blame you, and your people will suffer, and blame you. You just can't win--if you blink, we'll be all over you; if you're friendly, we'll take advantage of you; if you attack, we'll use that as an excuse to nuke you.
To make a long story short, your only chance is to outrun us and hope we want what you left behind more that we want YOU.
Bye for now.
--TRANSMISSION ENDS--
* * *
Report: War!
Date: 1.87314.225 GR
From: Sector 5.32 Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
To: Quadrant Operations Command
Attn: Senior General A. Mauryon
The indigenous species of the planet are beyond all hope! They have blatantly declared war upon us! Their erratic behavior cannot be modified, and they continuously express their destructive tendencies. Their so-called "society" is no more than a limited constraining of their animalistic behavior!
Request the use of Fleet mass drivers to bombard Gran-3. They must be eradicated! If the War Committee won't get off its collective ass and approve preemptive action, we can leak intel to the natives about those xeno-whatever-they-are people, then use their rescue as an excuse to invade and encapsulate the native's minds into computer simulations! Then we can absorb any culture or usefulness these animals have in a safe and controlled manner.
Commencing training maneuvers to ensure our ships are in place when your orders reach me. For the Glory of the Republic!
* * *
Report: Communications Intercept
URGENT
Date: 1.87314.227 GR
From: Sector 5.32 Signals Intelligence Section
To: Sector Fleet Command
CC: Quadrant Operations Command
Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
URGENT
Signal received and recorded this date. Signal source unverified but appears to originate from Gran-3.
Signal was intercepted over Fleet Secure Communications Network. SigInt concludes Gran-3 natives have acquired hardware and software to access FSecComNet. Recommend all classified Fleet signals use hardcopy couriers until FSecComNet breach can be identified and patched.
Decoded transmission and translated transcript attached.
SLt. Lyno Curq
--TRANSMISSION BEGINS--
Let's get down to brass tacks. Ya'll got no idea how far we've infiltrated your little conspiracy, do you? A large fraction of your returning xenosociologist teams have been cyborg infiltraters, patriots altered surgically and cybernetically to pass as one of ya'll. Inside each one is a crude, old-fashioned thermonuclear device. I reckon you know by now just how ruthlessly we will use these walking weapons to destroy your government, culture, and public trust...if something happens to us, that is.
On the other hand, our High-orbit Ultraviolet Bevawat Battle Laser Emitter (H.U.B.B.L.E.) Satellite is operational, and ready to defend us from any and all incoming threats.
Do they play poker where ya'll come from? In Stud Poker, each player has cards turned up for all to see, but one card left face down, 'in the hole.' In a misplaced attempt at fair play I revealed some or our cards. Now you've seen the rest.
Except for that pesky hole card.
Don't feel bad...it's not your fault that you aren't mentally up to challenge the human race. This is what we do best. Ya'll still have that chance to outrun us, at least for now. But if you want to stay and fight, that's okay, cause we dearly love a good fight.
--TRANSMISSION ENDS--
* * *
Report: Need some help
Date: 1.87314.229 GR
From: Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
To: Chief Xenosociologist U. Bauth
Sir, something quite extraordinary is taking place. The local Sector Adjutant, SubGen Puqlod, has just ordered full mobilization of the Sector Fleet, including our research vessel. Due to safety and security issues (or so says General Puqlod) all my staff has been confined to quarters under armed guard. He is a rather impulsive and dislikeable fellow, but this seems quite excessive.
If you could get us off the ship before we become involved in some kind of war, I would deeply appreciate it.
In Service to the Republic
Trianec Gelnir
* * *
Report: Orders
Date: 1.87314.230 GR
From: Senior General A. Mauryon
To: Sector 5.32 Operations Command
Attn: Sub General P. Puqlod
1: Do not attack Gran 3 until I so order.
2: Continue Sector Maneuvers.
3: Dispatch a scout to Gran 3.
4: Transfer Dr. Gelnir and team via courier to your Sector HQ and hold them somewhere we can afford to have blown up.
Peevey, get me some eyes out there. Gran 3 may be more dangerous than either of us realize. FtGotR.
* * *
Report: Thank you, sir.
Date: 1.87314.233 GR
From: Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
To: Chief Xenosociologist U. Bauth
Thank you, sir. We are out of lock-up and heading home. SubGen Puqlod even allowed us to bring along irreplacable samples and data from Gran 3. Our only real loss was our native research subject, Jonas. He seems to have wandered off and simply cannot be found. The poor fellow may have inadvertantly stepped out an airlock.
First we stop at Sector HQ for some sort of debrief, then back to civilization. We are ready to get out of this mess.
In Service to the Republic
Trianec Gelnir
* * *
Report: Communications Intercept
URGENT
Date: 1.87314.234 GR
From: Sector 5.32 Signals Intelligence Section
To: Sector Fleet Command
CC: Quadrant Operations Command
Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
URGENT
Signal received and recorded this date. Signal source unverified but appears to originate from Gran-3.
Signal was intercepted over Fleet Secure Communications Network. SigInt has failed to find any breach in FSecComNet. We conclude Gran-3 may have technology matching or exceeding our own. Recommend shutting down FSecComNet and all communications be restricted to short range tightbeam or courior.
Decoded transmission and translated transcript attached.
SLt. Lyno Curq
--TRANSMISSION BEGINS--
Fair warning, ya'll. One more move toward our solar system and you get a bloody nose. Not that we humans ain't ready-n-eager to jump into this fight with both feet, but it just seems unsportin' to fry a bunch of dumb-ass sailors who don't have a clue what's about to happen.
As for locking up our agents, we appreciate their transportation to Sector HQ. That Puqlod is a darn helpful fella. And thanks for that scout ship.
--TRANSMISSION ENDS--
* * *
SECTOR TASK FORCE
ACTION ORDERS FOLLOW
codekey b52m
Report: Action order for Strike Group
Date: 1.87314.234 GR
From: Sub General P. Puqlod
To: Commander Benscht
CC: Quadrant Operations Command
Situation: Scout vessel RSS-92 lost in vicinity of Gran-3.
Mission: Search and Rescue of RSS-92.
Commander, the honor of the Republic has been stained by these barbarians! I want you to show them no mercy in this operation. Take this opportunity to show them the strength of the Republic. Spare no gun and take no prisoners! The rest of Sector Task Force will stand ready to back you up.
For the Glory of the Republic!
SubGen. Puv Puqlod
* * *
Report: Confused
Date: 1.87314.235 GR
From: Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
To: Chief Xenosociologist U. Bauth
Chief, I am completely baffled. First we're in custody, then being shipped home, then back into lock up again, and THEN kicked out in front of Sector HQ without our luggage. I've hired a local taxi service to get us to the spaceport so we can escape this madness.
The only good thing is we have found Jonas, the native subject from Gran-3. Apparently he became confused and boarded the wrong ship when that idiot Puqlod first grabbed the team. Amazing that he finally found us.
In Service to the Republic
Trianec Gelnir
* * *
Report: Communications Intercept
URGENT
Date: 1.87314.236 GR
From: Sector 5.32 Signals Intelligence Section
To: Sector Fleet Command
CC: Quadrant Operations Command
Sector Military Adjutant Sub General P. Puqlod
Sub Chief Xenosociologist T. Gelnir
URGENT
Signal received and recorded this date. Signal source unverified, appears to have originated from Sector HQ.
Signal was intercepted over Fleet Secure Communications Network via Command Override. SigInt can offer no conclusion except possible treason. Investigation ongoing.
Decoded transmission and translated transcript attached.
SLt. Lyno Curq
--TRANSMISSION BEGINS--
Apparently ya'll alien yahoos ain't got a lick of sense. We could have wiped out your whole damn fleet, but cooler heads prevailed this time and just one ship got toasted. Still, it was a shame all those sailors had to die like that.
The good news is we're gonna give ya'll one last chance to improve your game before we come after ya. We're moving our planet somewhere far away with plenty of resources. I reckon we'll be back in a couple of decades for the showdown. Hope ya'll are ready.
Oh, you can pick up that scout crew where Gran-3 used to be. Send just one rescue craft or we start this war early. Don't say we never gave ya nothing.
--TRANSMISSION ENDS--
* * *
Report: Orders
Date: 1.87314.236 GR
From: Senior General A. Mauryon
To: Sector 5.32 Operations Command
Attn: Sub General P. Puqlod
1. Pull back my fleet.
2. Finish S&R for my cruiser you got blown up.
3. Get a ship out there to pick up my scout crew.
4. Report personally to my office ASAP.
I have it on good authority you disobeyed my previous orders. Worse than that, Intelligence Section is hinting about you causing some kind of major security breach. Bring along your full logs, and you might want to bring a lawyer, too. Sorry, Peevey, but I'm not going down for treason with you.
* * *
Breaker, breaker for Earth Defense Command, Jonas Buck here. Mission accomplished. Sending along some more tech specs to help catch up to them aliens. Ya'll should stay away from Gliese 581 when you test those new spaceships - that's where I told their computers to think Earth used to be. Guess those hacker geeks really did know what was what.
That was the good news. The bad news is ya'll can keep that pardon; I've decided to stay. Every one of these aliens is a sheep ready to be sheared. I'm gonna con these folks for everything I can and buy the rest. Suppose I should thank ya'll for the opportunity.
Fair warning; don't use that shiny, new quantum radio I stole for ya'll to turn me in. On Earth I'm just another con-man, but here I might end up king, and ya'll DON'T want to be on the wrong side of the king, if you know what I mean.
The End
Note: The first parts of this story were written long ago by multiple authors during a forum exchange. I saved the collaborative posts and finally have cleaned them up and finished it out as a story.
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